Do You Love Yourself?
As I write these words in 2025 I am 47 years young.
Let me take you back to when I was 41…
I was living what some friends and colleagues may have perceived to be a picture-perfect life.
I was married to my 1st true love, whom I met when I had just turned 18.
Our 3 beautiful daughters were 2, 6 and 7.
We were living in a £700,000 7 bedroom prestigious family home in a Cheshire village.
Our 2 cars were a brand new £80,000 Land Rover Discovery and a brand new £40,000 Audi TT.
I commuted in to Manchester City Centre almost every day, as the CEO a 15 person industry-leading user experience (UX) and conversion-optimisation (CRO) agency.
We had just surpassed the £1m turnover mark for the 1st time.
We were working with brands including Red Bull, Nike and Allianz, alongside other UK leading brands.
I was a keynote speaker, a trainer for Google, a book author and influential blog writer.
Who wouldn’t want this kind of life of beauty, abundance and prestige?
Yet What People Didn’t See Is…
I had been struggling with poor mental health on and off since my late teenage years, specifically depression, anxiety, paranoia, guilt, shame, condemnation and fear
I had been in private therapy with a psychologist for over 5 years since I was 35
When I was around 38 I was moments away from committing suicide, whilst on the balcony of a $1.5m Airbnb apartment about 23 stories high, whilst on a prestigious business trip in Vancouver, Canada
I was living battling with ‘Imposter Syndrome”, feeling and believing that I wasn’t good enough and that I am going to get “found out” and have to close my business
Following all the 1-1 therapy sessions, still not healed from childhood trauma and dysfunction, I had turned to hypnotherapy when I was almost 40 years of age
When I was a young boy my parents divorced due to the severe long term impact of poor mental health
When I was 10 I was sexually abused by an 18 year old girl
From the age of 11 after starting puberty, I became addicted to looking at porn
Between the ages of 12 and 15 I was groomed by a married woman, who I ended up coming together with and almost getting caught by her husband
This private porn addiction was still part of my life 30 years later
Due to the dark thoughts I had been battling with since around 19 years of age, my marriage had been suffering (behind closed doors) over what had been around the last 10 years
I hadn’t had a relationship with my mum for over 21 years, due to living with deep rooted unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness
I hadn’t had a relationship with my dad for around 7 years, due to living with deep rooted unforgiveness
I hadn’t had a relationship with my 2 sisters for around 7 years, due to living with deep rooted unforgiveness
Then In 2019, Aged 41, My Entire Life Collapsed. The Mask Fell Off In A Shocking, Life-Changing Way
Everything in my life started to collapse.
I was helpless.
I was hopeless.
I was almost emotionless.
I felt utterly condemned.
I had reached the end of myself.
It was at this point in my life that I had my spiritual awakening.
Before this point I didn’t know I had a soul or a spirit.
I had never had faith before. I went from no faith to total faith.
My journey of inner healing from my earliest childhood experiences began, and it continues today.
Fast forward 5.5 years later in early 2025, and I suddenly faced in to the reality that through all my earlier years experiences, I hadn’t been able to love myself.
In tears I suddenly started to truly love myself, and the continued transformation of my entire being continues today.
How About You?
Have you been able to relate to anything I have shared from my life?
Do you love yourself?
Would you like someone to talk to?
If so please head over to my coaching & mentoring website where I share my contact details.
It will be an honour to speak with you.
